Psalms from a Contrite Spirit

 "....Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then I would fly away, and be at rest."
Psalms 55:6

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? hope in God: for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."
Psalms 43:5

"Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea."
Psalms 46:2

"For who is God save the Lord? or who is a rock save our God?"
Psalms 18:31

"Deliver me from bloodguiltiness, O God, thou God of my salvation: and my tongue shall sing aloud of thy righteousness."
Psalms 51:14

"The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart, and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit."
Psalms 34:18

Grapes

You know that old saying you get what you give? There is no truth to that. You get whatever scraps people decide to give you, no matter what you give them. Give them your life, and while you might get their life in return, you could also get unneeded scraps of time and a few consoling words when you dont need them. Give them your disdain, and you'll find them trying to give you their heart. People are so fickle and unexplainable.

Invisible

You know, contrary to popular opinion, I'm not unintelligent. Yes, I can see that your online. Yes, I know the square root of 64. Yes, I can see that I annoy you(I annoy alot of people). Yes, I can find out your address/phone number/criminal records if you tell me your last name. I'm just people-smart and know how to use google. Nothing special. And yes, I can see right through you.

Blink

Time. Its leaving. Flying by so fast. Taking no time to consider that maybe, maybe, I don't want it to move. What if I wanted to stay nine years old? Or ten? Or glorious thirteen? But no, it laughs as it flys, whisking away the happy times and sad times alike, leaving me with only memories. Now, I feel as if I'm standing on the edge of an endless, unfathomable void. What lies ahead is unknown. What lies behind is dust. The present is like a rug pulled from under my feet, yanked away faster then thought, dropping me into that unfathomable void of the unknown future.

Running round in circles

Running round in circles
Just to find out who he is.
He's not easy to read.
Not easy to understand.

My dad wrote that and put it in a song of his. I think it has a deep truth in it, for all of us, wether you are a he or a a she.

Thats What the Promise is For

When a man and a woman get married, they make a promise. They promise to love and care for each other, no matter what, till death do part. The only reason to part before death is if one is being abused. Not because you just don't "click" anymore. Not because you just can't get along. Choose you partner carefully, beacuse your stuck for life.

Words

Words, beautiful words! Opulence. Eccentric. Melancholy. Aloof.  Margarine. Deluxe. Transcontinental. Extraterrestrial. Granular. Gleeful. Sporadic. Driven. Overhead. Underhand. Morose. Exhilarated. Discontinued. Abhorred. Paradox. Modular. Trifling. Nomadic. Vulture. Mediterranean. Lovely words that roll out of you throat, off of your tongue, and stand there for a second before fading off into the air. Who can grasp the meaning hidden in these sounds? They are the music we make everyday.

Flee

Nobody.

I am
absolutely
alone.
I
miss
last March.

Fight-or-flight?

However it happens

Life is full of
twists
turns
upside downs.
It will turn out,
I suppose,
However it happens,
It will be
either a black sky with white dots
or a white sky with black dots.
However you
choose to veiw it.
Life is a mystery
our minds cannot
comprehend on their own.

SometimesitspeedsbysofastandwedontknowwherewearegoingorwhybutweknowwehavetogetthereNOW.

And

Sometimes

It is

Beautiful

And

Slow.

But most often we just plod along, trying to get to such a VERY important place for such a VERY important reason. I can never remember why I need to do this..... But I suppose I will do it anyway.

Sometimes
It is good to just
slow down
and

STOP

Muy doggie

My favorite thing in de whole wide world, My dog.

Leave. Me. Alone.

                                

                                 She's not sleeping, she closed her eyes because of the flash.

                                            


                                                                          Chillin'

Camera Shy

Mmmmm That'll taste good, I'm sure.

WHA'S THAT?

*Grimace*

TIME

Time repeats itself,
Over and over again,
Nothing new is in this world,
Everything has happened before.

Same desicions,
Same mistakes,
Same pleasures,
Same pains,
Same problems,
Same soulutions.

Nothing is ever new,
It only is a repitition,
Of something
that has happened before.

Same love,
Same hate,
Same Joy,
Same sorrow,
Same words,
Same meaning.

Nothing is new.
We are past the time of things being new.
Everything we do now,
Is only a repitition.

Unjustified

Its such a wonderful feeling, being lonely and ignored....



Not.

Fruitless

Sometimes Life loses its luster.
But you cant stop. You have to keep going.
You MUST keep going.
It's crucial.
Why?
No Idea.
It's just one of those things.
I EXIST, and that pure and true and undesputible fact
keeps me going.
Through it all.
The lies,
broken promises,
fake perceptions,

misunderstandings,

broken hearts,

sore minds,

and other casualties.

If I feel I cant go on,

If I am full of doubt,

and worry,

If I sit in the darkness,

the triumphant darkness,

nearing the very heart of darkness,

I remember,

before the madness of the darkness overtakes me,

THAT I AM REAL.

I will always have myself,

though the very face of God be turned from me,

I will still be who I am.

I may not

LIKE

who I am,

but I still have my Identity.

That is the worst thing

you can do to a person,

remove their Identity,

remove their sense of existance.

That is when you cast them into

the fuzz of non-being

where only God himself

can save them.

Through all the sensless noise,

And false light,

and false truth,

(but truth is light)

I seek to find the quiet,

peace,

and true light.

The World Is Full Of Opinions.

But All I Want Is The TRUTH.

To escape the madness.

The Darkness.

The horror.

Rage

My rage is a slow, quiet, calculated thing. I don't get angry often, but when I do, chances are you wont know it till your on the ground with a black eye praying you have life insurance...... But my anger usually dies out before I start a fistfight, and chances are you where oblivious the whole time to the fact that the only thing in the world I wanted to do when I saw you or talked to you on the phone was punch your lights out.... I especially dislike people who are flaky... You know who you are. Bah.

Something Blue

There are those people who bring light and happiness into your life whenever you see them, and there are those people whom the mere thought of seems to suck all of your joy out and leave you feeling lonely and sad. Sometimes I regret my foolhardy and idiotic decisions. And so the loneliness descends like a great black fog, blocking all light and casting despair into my soul. I fear for the wellness of my heart, and cry out to anyone who can hear, but they have shut themselves against me, leaving me a shadow searching for hope yet finding little. Searching for love that will fill my empty corpse, yet hardly knowing where to look. Sometimes a ray of light, small and weak, manages to break through the fog, but it is soon swallowed again, leaving my mind, heart and soul as numb and cold as they where before.

Quotes I randomly found online and liked

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak. Sometimes it means you are strong enough to let go.

We are all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone who's weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them in mutual weirdness and call it love.

In 20 years, you'll be more disappointed at what you didn't do then what you did.

                                                                                        -Mark Twain

When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.

-Franklin D. Roosevelt

We will either find a way, or make one.

-Hannibal

Run

Sometimes all I want to do is run. Run from myself, my family, my friends and acquaintances. Just run. Maybe, if I run fast and hard enough, I can outrun life. Maybe I can start over, do things differently. Outrun the sorrow. Just Run.

Defense

People are interesting creatures. Some are trusting, they have nothing to hide and within two days of meeting them you have been told everything there is to know about them. Other people, the ones more like myself, would rather die then tell someone they just met anything important. The less you know about them, the better. It is close to impossible to get them to trust you at all, no matter how long youve known them. These are the people who seem to know everything about everyone, but nobody knows anything about them. They are the people who are more prone to listen then talk, and that ask questions but rarely give answers.  They hide what they think and what they feel, and in general who they are, from everyone exept those rare and amazing few who take the time and energy to break through the steel-plated brick wall they have built around themselves.

Cookie Cutters

I live in America. The land of the cookie-cutters. Cookie-cutter houses, cookie-cutter jobs, cookie-cutter lives. The American dream. To live in a subdivision where everyone has the same house that looks the same way with the same lawn and the same car and the same number of kids who all go to the same school and get the same grades and learn the same thing. There is no creativity, if you dare to think outside of the box you are met with rules and permits and Homeowners associations. Your eleven and you want to start a Lemonade stand? Well first off you have to get a business permit and you need to pay $50 to rent the corner for the day and your lemonade needs to be tested by the FDA and that also has a fee and you want to hire your nine year old brother to work for you well you need another permit and have to pay him at least $6.50 an hour but you cant hire him anyways because he isnt old enough to get a work permit. Welcome, my dears, to America. The exits to the left.

Hope is a thing with feathers

Hope. Some call it a blessing. I see it as more of a curse. It is that little voice that whispers "maybe?" when the rest of you is screaming "NEVER GONNA HAPPEN!" It is the feeling that keeps you going when you know your fighting for a lost cause. It never seems to go away, even when you want it to.  It sets you up for great heartbreak and dissapointment. It also sets you up for great happiness, but the odds are against that. And I greatly dislike betting against the odds.

Premonitions

Sometimes you get the feeling that alot is going to change, very quickly. Sometimes it does, most times it dosent. The ironic part is that the time when things usually do change is the time you would most rather them not change. Perhaps it is a good idea to never get too comfortable. Things are always liable to change.

Some Things

Some things make no sense. Like unions. Or me. I dont know. People never really put thought into things anymore. Its like the whole world stopped thinking. I suppose the few people who do are either dirt poor or filthy rich. Personally Id rather be dirt poor. Ah well. Cant wait for tomorrow.

My PUPPY

My Puppy Baily...

Rivers

 Sometimes life will throw unforeseen circumstances at you. Sometimes they are good, often times they are bad. I suppose you just have to take them as they come. People throw unexpected things at you, too. One day you know everything about them, the next they are an unsolvable mystery. I suppose it is because we are creatures of change. You know the saying we never step into the same river twice? Well you never talk to the same person twice, either. No matter how well you know a person, you always have to work at getting to know them more, because you never really, truly, completely know them. There is always something else to find out. 

Music Day Two

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTTffa3MMBk

Music Day One

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xs9X8NhQJF4

People are Funny

People are so funny. They never tell you what you need to hear, only what you want to hear. And they hardly ever tell the truth. It can be so difficult to find out what someone is thinking or feeling. Sometimes they think one thing but say another. Im fine. Really, I am. No im not. But I want you to think I am. That sort of thing. Once in a while you find someone who is honest about everything. But they are few and far between. In order to always be honest, you always have to trust. And, really, what person trusts everyone they know?

Life is an everlasting circle

Life is a circle. Especially for people that keep making the same desicions. If you always do what you've always done you'll always get what you've always gotten. If you like what you get, great. I hope one day you will impart your wisdom on the rest of your miserable race. But if you want something different you better DO something different. Action is the answer to all problems. Or at least most of them.

Let it pour

Sometimes all the bad things in life seem to happen at once. I guess thats life, full of peaks and valleys. One day/month/year is amazing, you have everything you could ever want, your in good shape finacially, the person you love loves you, your goals are being acccomplished, your dreams are being realized, and everything is just perfect. Then the next day/month/year everything falls apart and you don't know what happened. I guess all you can do is keep going. Things will always get better, even if it takes a long, long time.

:-(

:( Bleh. Im about to go take out my aggression playing soccer.

Unreasonably Understandable

It is so difficult to be content. You may have all the necessities in life and more, and yet never feel content. I find more often than not that I'm simply lonely. It's the worst kind of loneliness, the unreasonable kind, the kind that will only be satisfied with one thing, one person, one goal. Its difficult to forget and even more difficult to get rid of. But then, nothing in life is easy. In fact everything worthwhile is difficult.

Happiness

Fear. It leads to anger, depression, anxiety, and all those wonderful things. As such, if you are angry at someone, or are overly depressed all the time, it is usually connected to a fear. Not necessarily a fear of something like spiders or ghosts or jellyfish (I am deathly afraid of jellyfish...) but a deep-rooted, subconscious fear. The fear that someone doesn't care for you . The fear that you cant trust someone. The fear that someone is going to do you harm. My mother apparently has a deep-rooted fear of people thinking her house is a mess. :) The key to being happy, then, is to overcome your fear. Why care about what someone thinks about you? If they don't like the fact that you wear yellow socks, thats their problem, not yours. If you cant trust someone, then don't tell them anything. Find someone else. If you think someone is going to harm you, then avoid them. Or tell someone about it. There is always a way out, always a way around, always a way to become happy. :)

Live, Love, Laugh

Why do we worry about things? Does any of it matter? Not really. We wont even remember it in two years. We'll have new worries, new things to fret about, to pine over. If it wont matter then, why should it matter now? Why focus on the things that make you worry? God has those things in hand, he will take care of them. Live in the moment, its more rewarding. Love everyone around you, and you will be loved. Laugh often and much, because life is funny. :)

Remember

Its funny how people forget about things. Sometimes its not a conscious decision, but more subconscious. I tend to forget things that cause me pain to remember, like a memory, or a song, or mom telling me to clean my room, or something like that. Its not because I choose to forget it, its just because I'd rather not remember it.

Change

I have many friends, but only one or two very, very close ones. The kind that are as close as family, and, on rare occasions, can be closer. It seems, however, that I am coming to a point in my life where these friends wont be around as much as they used to, they're moving on and away and into differant episodes of their lives. I can replace them, maybe, but it will always be difficult, figuring out who you can trust with your secrets and who you cant, who will be there to help you out when your mad at the world and who wont. For a long time it'll be lonely. But you always have to keep moving. Change is a good thing, because it keeps things moving, and movement is life. Sometimes it hurts, sometimes it is welcomed, but things always, always, will change.

Live, Die, Sleep, Eat

Death is rather commonplace. Its something everyone who has ever existed has gone through, and something everyone who does exist will go through, and most likely something everyone who will exist will go through. In fact, if you think about it, from the moment we are born, we slowly begin to die. Which is why things like petty arguments and weather-or-not-I-have-a-pair-of-yellow-socks and oh-crap-I-forgot-the-peanut-butter arn't really that important. Live like you're dying. Because you are.

Thinking

Thoughts are dangerous. Almost as dangerous as feelings. They give you an idea, a thought, an inspiration to change something about your world. Sometimes other people will disagree with your thoughts. If those people mean enough to you, you will discard the thought and move on. Thats why feelings are so dangerous, you cannot discard a feeling. Even if you want to. You bury them, ignore them, but you cannot discard them. You can only change them. They make you function on impulse, ignore logic, and run from all that is sound and knowledgeable. They are the most dangerous thing in existence.

Fighting the War

There are so many things in this life that we fight over. Like computer time. And who gets to play the Wii first. And what channel on the tv we are going to watch.

Its all incredibly important, isn't it?

Life-or-death.

I think people are too comfortable. I mean, when the only thing you can find thats worth fighting over is a video game? Wimp. It used to be we fought over land, life, food, we fought for survival. Now we fight over entertainment. Wow.